It is tough to avoid the wrong lessons that our parents taught us and pass them down to our kids.
So with that, here are a few lessons that I think could help reduce implementing these lessons.
Bad lesson #1
In the household growing up, I was taught that snitching was wrong. To the point that I would get in trouble for telling a teacher that someone was messing with me.
Because I wanted friends, I decided to keep my mouth closed to things and people bothering me. I tend to handle things on my own. But looking back, that was not a good idea.
Later on in life, it will be hard for you to open up about your issues and problems to others. Even more so, as a child, you start to keep more and more secrets away from your parents.
Teach your child to talk it out when it comes to unfair and difficult situations. Even when it seems like the problem is not huge to you.
Encourage working together on an issue versus forcing them to handle it independently.
Bad lesson #2
Growing up, I remember when it came to me crying and suffering or showing any negative emotions. It was too easy for my mother to shout and tell me to stop crying or suck it up.
That caused more harm than good and once again suppressed emotions and feelings, which could have horrible effects on adulthood.
So now, instead of doing that, we should talk it out with our children and allow them to express themselves. When it comes to anger or tantrums and talk it out like the tiny humans they are.
Of course, you want to discourage your child from screaming in the store and breaking toys and such.
After dealing with that issue, address why they are angry and upset and deal with it, basically the root cause. Then with that, you can help them find a more constructive way to deal with their negative emotions.
Bad lesson #3
Many parents try to force their kids to make people like them. Sure you should be a likable person, but everybody doesn’t need to like you or “be your friend”. Which can lead to people-pleasing and, more profound than that, exploitation.
For instance, your child may be hung up on being likable that your child will allow people to copy off their homework or, even worst, do their work for them.
I mean, I don’t discourage doing the work for others if they are going to pay, lol. Doing this will lead to lower self-esteem and expending on others to make them happy.
We should encourage instead to respect everybody instead of not being yourself and whoever likes you will like you, and whoever does not, it is ok.
Understand if a childs’ friend gets angry because of how they feel. By not letting them copy their work. Just means they were never their friend in the first place and keep it moving.
Bad lesson #4
Next, saying “get good grades, or you’ll never get a good job”. I’ve heard this a lot growing up, I am a C and B student. I ended up getting a pretty good job.
I know other people who are not good at school but can take a car apart and put it back together. Make a good living at it, too; I do not think that’s a good message for the children.
I know it’s easy to make that threat to a child if they messed up on a test or slacked off with their homework. Of course, you want to encourage a child to do their best in school but do not associate good grades with having a better job or necessarily success.
Life is so much more than that. Many other factors come into place when it comes to being successful in life or getting a good job.
Yes, education is more important.
Yes, you find more opportunities depending on the education and don’t confuse education with just school.
Instead, teach your child to work hard and learn to obtain a profitable skillset. Which is more critical than what marks you get on your report card.
Remember getting bad grades does not mean the child is not intelligent in other ways. There are more ways to define a child’s intelligence. Standardized tests are just one of them.
Bad Lesson #5
Teaching a child that making a mistake means losing something in return is just horrible. I know for a fact when I was a child, I made a mistake repeatedly.
Even when I would take things away from my kids now, they eventually do it again. Depending on the mistake, I don’t think there is a need for cruel punishment, such as flunking a test or getting a bad grade.
It could mean that the child needs a tutor to help them in that subject, not a punishment. I am sure many of you got in trouble as a child. Or another alternative route is to understand why a child did what they did, and maybe it’s a deeper cause and a cry for help, or moreover could give the child a more positive punishment such as extra chores.
Maybe depending on the task, they will think about what they have done and not do it again. Punishing after a mistake discourages your child from trying things. Always try to talk it out and find a more positive punishment vs. hitting or taking something away.
Bad lesson #6
In the last bad lesson, we should stop teaching our children. Is making kids always share their toys, sometimes even against their will.
Forced sharing will cause kids not to want to share and have negative feelings about communicating in general. I did this with my kids early on and learned that this was not the route.
For instance, I made my oldest share a doll with her younger sister, but of course, my youngest daughter ended up ripping the head off the doll, which made my oldest daughter angrier than before sharing with her.
This example shows I should not have forced her to share this toy because of how destructible her sister can be when it comes to toys. That’s when I decided to stop passing down that lesson. Instead of sharing everything, they should not be forced to share things with them regarding sentiment things. Even adults have items (granted of more value) that they don’t want to share with others.
Even though you may think that a child’s toy may be of lesser importance to you, it may be necessary to them, and you feel the child should share it now; if they are coloring, it’s ok to share coloring pencils or a ball.
It’s ok to teach your child to say no to things that are important to them, moreover teaching them to stand up for themselves and what they cherish most.
Final Thoughts
Well, that’s the end of the list; I hope this list helps you with your parenting style. If you agree or disagree with this list, then I would love to hear from you; please comment below! If you want more articles on parenting, then please subscribe!